It’s a Jungle Out There
I’ve had a number of people ask me a question I should be quite capable of answering, yet for some reason I’ve yet to come up with a suitable response. Why, they ask, haven’t you finished writing a book? It’s a fair question. Contrary to what you might read here, I’m a fair hand with the English language, and love writing in general. I’m decent at it, and maybe even skilled. But here I am, blogging away and attending school (starting over, no less!) for psychology, rather than penning The Great American Novel – or at least prostituting my ability to make a quick buck.
I’ve often answered the question with a simple response: I’m horrible at plot. I can write, technically, putting out above-average prose at a respectable pace, but storytelling, I tell my acquaintances, may well be out of the scope of my ability. Yet I know that not to be true. For years, I’ve not only written interactive fiction with friends, short stories, and the like, but I’ve played as “game master” for countless role-playing sessions, building stories full of plot twists and loops. Still, here I am, with a dozen manuscripts started, and none complete.
Why?
My dear and loving wife, Ms. Awesomesauce, described my writing to my children half an hour ago, and as I thought about it, I realized she was right. “Your dad,” she said, “needs to get every word just right. He’ll agonize over a paragraph for a week in order to get it just right.” Wow. That’s me! Not here, not writing for a blog, but in writing a story, my attitude can be described with four letters: OCPD. That’s right, when it comes to finishing a manuscript, I have obsessive-compulsive personality disorder.
I am the Adrian Monk of would-be novelists.
To that end, I’ve rewritten the lyrics to the theme song for USA’s series Monk, starring Tony Shaloub.
It’s a Jungle Out There (Writer’s Block Remix)
It’s a jungle out there
Bad grammar and misspellings everywhere
No one seems to care, well, I do.
Who’s your editor?
It’s a jungle out there
What kind of thesaurus do you read?
Do you get the Writer’s Digest every week?
Well, I do!
It’s amazing!
People think I’m crazy, ’cause I rewrite all the time
If you cared about your writing you would too!
Better use that backspace ’cause the words you love so much
Might just cause you
To get a letter
Of pure rejection!
‘Cause it’s a jungle out there
It’s a jungle out there.
